today... i attended a funeral. it was the tiniest coffin i have ever seen. a wee babe, born too soon, whose fight for life ended after just a single, short day. in the arms of his mama. i had no words for her, mute and afraid, i didn't know what to say. i hid in the back of the church, awkward and uncomfortable, wanting to be there to offer comfort and support, and feeling like a fool for not knowing how to. i saw her across the entryway, and tried to compose something meaningful to say in my head. she came in my direction. my heart pounded and my throat closed up. suddenly, she passed me, looking in my direction, and we locked eyes. a simple half-smile, a concerned look, and she was gone.
today... i lingered at bedtime, after the bedtime stories were read and prayers were said. i snuggled with my boy, answering complex questions about life and death, and kissing his soft cheek. i kissed my big girl, already asleep, with curls tossed about, framing her sweet face. i listened to the soft sound of little feet on the stairs, looking for one more hug from daddy and a kiss from mama. patiently, i carried her back up the stairs, one more time, and settled her in her bed. such sweet little people, such a privilege to be their mama.
today... i am thinking about what the young mama said at her baby's funeral; "life is lived one day at a time, one moment at a time".
today... i am doing my best to savour each moment.